I don’t usually blog. I don’t “write”. I was never good at it. What I do is rant, complain, cry, when I’m down in the dumps. I never felt that I excelled in something. I’ve always saw myself as mediocre even though I wanted to be more.
Is it because I don’t know what I want or am not sure? Is it because of poor parenting? I can’t help but blame my parents for what I have become but I thank myself for what I am now.
I have resentment towards my parents. They killed my passion (especially my father - I don’t blame my mother much because she was a doormat when it came to him). When I was maybe no older than 8 I was filled with passion, ambition, and belief in myself. It all went away after my parents denied every request I made to join in extra curricular activties that I may have excelled and would have been a great for my development as a child. But NO, they said, “it’s useless, waste of time and money”. I try to understand them because they grew up in a poor environment, but they should have been responsible enough to find ways on how to educated and develop their child into confident people so they may life a healthy and happy life. I never had emotional support from my father, not even once. Money does not buy everything.
Since then, I have felt emotinally and pyscologically disabled and pretty much useless. I was weak. That weakness brought me where I am now. NO WHERE. My dreams and aspirations are slowly dying out, stuck in this money making world. The world my father only knows. It is quite sad.
I am aware of my blessings. I am grateful for them. But life is not perfect. We just have to make the best out of what we have, even how damaged and disabled we are.